The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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