So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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