ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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