What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you would pick up someone in the library
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
