I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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