ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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