I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
