Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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