you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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