my mouth tastes like poor choices
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
