Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I pour the whiskey from now on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
