Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm both gender and math confused
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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