Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
