Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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