So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize