We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
