You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
