Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We left an ass print on the piano.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
