I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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