i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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