I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
