Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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