I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
