You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm always down for nudity.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
