he thought i was a dude.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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