threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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