I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
