Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
