oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
