did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
