Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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