Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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