He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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