It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
