I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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