she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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