You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
