I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
