i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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