I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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