Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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