ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
