yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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