Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's rum buckets o'clock
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
