if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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