he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
