Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You ruined the universe
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
