I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
