i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My bed smells like the plague
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
