Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
